I wanted to write something about my journey to my current status. On how I wound up here and what happened from the last time I was pouring my sentiments in here. Yes, I believe I still am pretty emotional about certain things. But I feel that I am in a better place. I have put more value on myself now than I ever did before. I no longer think of myself as a spare tire. The kind one settles just to make it through the day. I am more than that.
I have come to realize that it does feel wonderful to be really important to someone. For the first time, I was honest with myself; honest with my feelings. I let myself go and show someone exactly how I feel about him. I was brave enough to shower him all the affection that I thought and felt he deserved because that's exactly how I felt about him. Loving, caring, respectful and just about wonderful. Although I have doubts that he feels the same way, it was a small price to pay for the happiness he has brought to my life. For that I am forever grateful and forever changed.
I thank him for making me feel wanted and not disposable. I thank him for making me feel appreciated and not patronized. I thank him for being kind and respectful of my feelings. For looking out for me. For holding my hand and allowing me to feel that it's really happening ...that we are together. That we are walking side by side.
I have held other hands but none as warm and assuring as his. I know nothing is permanent in this world, but at that moment, I felt secure because it felt so real without me having to convince myself that it was.
And although we are thousands of miles away from each other, I have memories to keep in my heart. They could never take that away from me. They would have to take my heart away first.
I never knew it could feel this amazing. And whatever happens in the future I will always look to that moment when he first looked at me and smiled and I felt I would be all right.