Monday, October 20, 2014

No Afterglow

I'm still tryna wrap my head around the surprise call from someone I didn't expect to hear from anymore. I think it's great though that there aren't any expectations. It only means I am well on my way on the road to completely forgetting.

I have never acknowledged the fact that he hurt me. But he did. His lies were just piercing. They cut deep.
I forgave him though. I accepted everything. I went on with it. Even if there wasn't anything for me.

His fascination of my world kept him coming back for more. But did he really care about me? If he could not care enough about some important people in his life, I knew I don't hold anything at all. He has a talent in doing that. It shouldn't suprise me.
He may or may not know the extent of his selfish ways. It just deeply saddens me that I had to be one of the people who witnessed that first hand.

My patience has worn thin this time around. He wanted to play me on my invitation. The last time we agreed on meeting up, I ended up in tears. I have told him how I felt about being promised something and being left with nothing. And so, as I have learned it the hard way, I made sure this time, I will not push my luck.
I admit though, that I have romanticized our first encounter after not seeing each other after some time. I used to imagine hugging him tightly, maybe kissing him. That didn't happen.  The warmth was gone. Sure, I was happy to see him. And happy he met my friends and my boss. But that was it. That was that.
I do hope he finally realized what he wanted.

We were sitting next to each other. Occasionally holding hands, brushing shoulders, whispering, looking at each other. But it was way different from the past. All of a sudden, it felt like we were strangers. Sad.

Sunday, October 5, 2014

End of a Rut

I have been too complacent for my own good. I know I have said about a million times that I will pursue a healthy lifestyle. I've done it before and so why am I having such a difficult time now? I have so many excuses. I think I'm very good at it. Jeeze.  But I may have found yet another reason to finally get back into it. Following an encounter last night that almost shook my world into pieces, I said to myself, I have to take a hold of my life again. I can't just always be happy at the thought that yeah, I certainly don't look my age, but by god, who am I fooling? I can't change the numbers. It would always be that.

Anyway, I have some commitments this coming week and I would have to fix my life from here on.  I am not sure either if I wanted to see certain people at this point. Maybe a detox on that particular area of my life would also be necessary. I need to stop being lazy from now on. LOL.

By this time, if I had stuck to the kind of discipline I used to have, I may have achieved 'greatness'...hahaha. But it's never too late. And so I will have to document this. Thank god for new opportunities. At least in those areas, I won't have to worry too much. I can pretty much focus on my health this time around...So help me god! LOL.