Tuesday, May 19, 2015

Decompression Obsession...

I dunno what to make of it. I found out a few details. A little shocked,but I thought I needed it. Somehow I understand now. Just a few more and I am done. 

Saturday, May 16, 2015

The Yoke of it All...

I hate that I still am kicking and beating myself for what was... It's such a heavy load that I just wanna get rid of. But it won't get away.

Why do I keep coming back? As if I didn't get hurt enough. 

Wednesday, May 13, 2015

Unfriend Zoned...

I am in disbelief. The maturity levels!!! For the first time in the gazillion years of my existence, after being turned down for a couple of times, I was digitally erased from his memory.

Sad day indeed...but what can the poor me do but just accept.

I miss him everyday that much I can say. But I know the feeling will never be mutual...but I never knew and never prepared myself for this.

He never considered me a friend. I meant nothing. And that's the most hurtful thing that could ever happen to anyone. No, I'm not a drama queen. I'm not a sensitive prick. OA. 

I am a human being...I get hurt. Because I treated this person like a friend. Willing to do anything for, this despite the fact that I hardly knew him. 

I wish him well though. I really dunno what's goin on in his head. All I know now is just that our paths once crossed and we walked together but we have to go our separate ways.  Thank you. You made me happy even for a brief time...

Wednesday, May 6, 2015

Closing Time...

I would like to think I made all the effort to reach out ...lunch was no good, dinner's for wimps...not interested in a night cap, ice cream nor 5 minutes...

It was heartbreaking. For the first time- I was close to begging. I am completely baffled. I seemed a lil crazy. Maybe that's why it was deemed getting ugly. 

It was a sad day. 

Never have I felt this way. I knew he was being nice and so the ultimate NO to my invitations never came in its simple form. It had to take another shape. It took a play of other words. But it still felt horrible. 

I dunno why even feel this way. Why would I feel bad? Is he now that important to me? Maybe... and I couldn't get myself to admit it to myself either. I keep thinking and justifying that it's just prolly ego...but I hurt. It really does. 

No matter how I've tried to condition myself with the fact that this is just temporary and he's leaving anyway, I still end up wanting to be together. Not necessarily a relationship-- a friendship could've been nice.  But now--- I'm left with nothing.

The moment he asked to stop messaging him before he figured a reason for us to meet, I knew it was a done deal. It was over. And even though I received a three worded message from  him today, the warmth was gone. It was so cold I got teary eyed. 

I need to understand that it has reached the saturation point. It's time...and as much as I don't want to say it's the end- it maybe is...