Wednesday, May 6, 2015

Closing Time...

I would like to think I made all the effort to reach out ...lunch was no good, dinner's for wimps...not interested in a night cap, ice cream nor 5 minutes...

It was heartbreaking. For the first time- I was close to begging. I am completely baffled. I seemed a lil crazy. Maybe that's why it was deemed getting ugly. 

It was a sad day. 

Never have I felt this way. I knew he was being nice and so the ultimate NO to my invitations never came in its simple form. It had to take another shape. It took a play of other words. But it still felt horrible. 

I dunno why even feel this way. Why would I feel bad? Is he now that important to me? Maybe... and I couldn't get myself to admit it to myself either. I keep thinking and justifying that it's just prolly ego...but I hurt. It really does. 

No matter how I've tried to condition myself with the fact that this is just temporary and he's leaving anyway, I still end up wanting to be together. Not necessarily a relationship-- a friendship could've been nice.  But now--- I'm left with nothing.

The moment he asked to stop messaging him before he figured a reason for us to meet, I knew it was a done deal. It was over. And even though I received a three worded message from  him today, the warmth was gone. It was so cold I got teary eyed. 

I need to understand that it has reached the saturation point. It's time...and as much as I don't want to say it's the end- it maybe is...

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