Today, I've learned to be happy for this one person that made me happy for a while and then confused me and just made me sad and even hate myself at one point.
I have long forgiven him though and even made an effort to give it another shot. Even at that point, I knew I was the only one really interested in giving it a shot. Why did I bother? I'd usually ask myself that. Maybe because I was always willing to give people a chance to redeem themselves. But to them, it was who they really are. So no matter how many chances I'd give them, things will remain the same. Because I was never enough reason to be at their best version. That's all there is to it.
Seeing him happy now made me understand better. That I was not the one who could give it to him. And even if I knew in my heart he couldn't do the same for me, I tried to make it work because he was there, we were there and it was maybe worth trying. If only he felt the same. I thought he did. But I couldn't get past certain things about him. And never found out the other things he can actually do.
I am not trying to convince myself that I'm happy because I should. I am genuinely secure of how I feel now. I just needed to see that one last picture before I say my real goodbye.
Thank you. My list isn't as long as your exchanges with your significant other. How can it be?
If and when I see or hear from you again, I'd say thank you. It was never a waste of time. There was a reason. And we may never know, but maybe it had to happen.
Good luck and hopefully some good plan from your end. Everyone deserves to be happy.
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